Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Alone at the carnival

All recent days in memory
I was traveling,
not sleeping much.
Drinking a lot of coffee.
Trying to eat right.

Now a pause.
Good bye to all that
For now.

I know my desk is not moving, I say to myself.
everything else IS moving.
yet able to function and launch into a dream
where I’m never good enough.
A chorus of voices
of constructive criticism
and destructive criticism
and just plain nastiness,
pounds lines in my face,
and clogs my pores.
Strips the color from my hair.
An atom bomb survivor.

Well, not really.
How could I be
SO disrespectful
to even dare to THINK
thoughts like that?
Do I think I am special?

Go away.
Go away.
I want to be at the carnival alone.
Away from the meanness.
At least for a while.


gartenfische said...

Echoes my feelings exactly. I know this doesn't sound very compassionate, and I don't mean it to be at all, but sometimes it helps just to know others go through the same struggles.

poodledoc said...

Yes, it does help sometimes to share each others struggles. I don't feel so alone.....